weather: cloudy, very cloudy
1st April 2008
music: with heart and voice, david gillingham
event: april fool's day.
I finished my osaka post. haha. go read it yeah!
oh well. this few days, life is getting very tough. sighs, its like, homework are piling up like some high tall skyscraper, tests are zooming to you at full speed, pdp life is getting tougher, and i seem to be getting into problems with the discipline committee lately. sighs. life is tough. haha. but its all right. i guess, as alot of ppl say, it will be over soon. i guess i'll have to bear with it. haha. theres a lecture test this thursday but am feeling damn tired to study. gosh. guess i'll do it later. haha. its like, waa. ytd sectionals, my sound was horrible. and to be honest, not gonna harp over it. theres a problem. GO SOLVE IT. and like, when you create a mess, go clear it up. it's that simple.. and i guess I'll solve my problems. I may harp on problems for a day, but i will solve it. haha. and, doing things to the best that you can, is what i should do i guess. gosh.
today, yesterday and the day before were HORRIBLE days. haha, was about to break down. yeah. and to be honest, today, i just felt like giving up.
then. your sms came. It's like, we didnt talk for months/years, and your sms came. just nice at this period when i was breaking down. i thought it would be some april fools message, but no, it's not, its a sms telling that its friendship day or something like that. gosh. thats like so sweet. My heart just felt totally warmed by your warmth. At sec 4, I tried telling myself that i should give up on you. our paths are so so different. our paths will never intercross. During teachers day, i went back, and i saw you. when you came, our juniors were there as well. we were like so near each other, and surprisingly, my heart was beating very very fast. adrenaline was gushing through my bloodstream, and i can like so totally feel it, and i wondered a lot, whether i should tell you. this crush from sec 2? i guess? at sec 3/4, i kept on telling myself to give up. but when everytime when i were about to give up, you appeared just again. mm. i somehow really wonder what this is. There was one period that we were really really close, and remembered saying that we'll be true friends forever. but if i were to tell you about this, will this friendship break? im so worried about this. and now, whether its friendship or more than a friendship. I cant tell anything anymore. should I tell you? should I not? I dont really wanna ruin this friendship that we both established. its so true, pure and innocent. and if i were ever to tell you that i like you, I dunno how you will react. if you would reject? i am worried that i will just plunge into depression. tests are coming up, and homework is piling. theres no time for love or anything now. what should I do. sighs. As i said, our paths are really different, but why cant i stop myself from like liking you? sighs. and i guess, if i were ever to convey my true feelings for you, I think you will tell me the same thing that our paths are too different. To you, i may be a true friend only?. was wondering whether i should go forward. have been keeping this for years already, and am damn surprised that i can hold back for so long. should i hold on? i guess i should. i guess, when it is the right time to tell you, I guess i would. and be it rejection or acceptance, of which i hope it would be acceptance, i will just have to accept the outcome. but i gotta prepare myself first. so shouldnt be getting into this kindda things right now.=//wasnt supposed to go online/ blog or anything but to study today, gosh, but i gotta bla this chunk out mann. haha. oh well. yeah. i'd better go mug. haha. will blog if i have the time. sorry i left my blog to rot yeah. cant find the time lately to blog. =). oh gosh. spent alottt of time blogging already. JIA YOU JIA YOU JIA YOU!!!! i'd better work harder!!! AAAAA.
guess i'll catch you guys around! XD.
-jErM
