weather: cloudy(day)
15th April 2008
music: amoreuse- claude bolling suite.
suddenly had the random urge to blog.
mmm. was walking home today quite tired, and when im tired, rubbish thoughts filled up my mind. and kindda was like thinking that, you know somehow when you're angry with a person and you ever get the chance to shoot your anger at him/her, you will not only scold the person about the issue that you ain't really happy about, but you will drag all other matters in and blast all your anger at the person at full blast. right? Somehow if you're the scolder, you won't really feel it. you just will just somehow unknowingly drag all the matters in to intensify the anger. But if you're the victim, hoho, somehow you will just realise it. When you get scolded from your parents example, they will drag every single matter that you've done wrong. its like compiling and blast everything they can if they're angry at you, or when one of your siblings done any wrong, somehow, the blame will be pushed to you also.
and somehow when you're sad, you just hope that there will always be people by your side. there is not really a need to talk. but just there with you. its like how to say, and when you're sad, you will love to listen to emo songs. like for me, i like jay chou's pu gong ying der yue ding, or Simple plan's welcome to my life, or simple plan's shut up or something like that to intensify the fact that you're feeling emotional, or the best, go beach and enjoy the sea breeze and stone, or maybe head to the play ground to stone during night. Like let the calm mood of the night, the moon's dim beams shine on your face. and somehow, I've always wanted to try being at the beach during night, or going to the play ground to like sortta stone during night. (but the play ground one is a bit dangerous arhh.) that is when i'm emo. I've always wanted to do that.. and somehow, if im ever emo that day, somehow, stoning on the bus is a good thing also. cos, the beach is too far, and somehow, the playground down my block is kindda dangerous.
When you're happy, you will wanna scream out to the whole wide world how happy you are. and you again will hope that people will be there for you to congratulate you and reassure your confidence and pride. and to be honest, when you're happy and no one is there to hear you scream. somehow, it just feels really weird, like no one to share your joy with, like the feat that you've just achieved is somehow useless. but no matter what, you will also do something to intensify the feeling of being happy. like when you're happy, you will skip around, sing songs, eat!!, or how about playing the flute like in a duper bright way, or like swim like duper energetic!
my point is, no matter how you're feeling, why do we somehow always intensify the feeling? i dont get it. If the feeling of happy is to be intensified, i dont mind. being happy is good. it lets away stress. but for sad and angry, i just dont get it. like somehow, as i said, i dont really like my math/pw teacher. and to be honest, today's allowing-myself-to-let-rubbish-thoughts-flow made me realise that i've actually been doing stuff to reassure myself how much i hate him and everything. Like saying stuff like, I've tried, I've tried, I'v really tried. but sighs, really, no matter how i try to like him, it always flops. its so freagin irritating. sighs. okay. i went outta point. Somehow, I just have been feeling quite tired/sianned/emo lately, somehow i wana be happy. If not worrying over work/tutorials, It would be worrying over band matters, or worrying over how nai nai is and everything. Somehow, worrying doesnt help and its the action that really counts. but somehow, sighs. I dunno. I just really hope the feeling of emoness doesnt get the better of me. i really hate being sianned.
as stacey said, she asked wei cong(ex maha bodhian) how was I in maha bodhi, and he said that I was just this happy energetic kid who always jokes around in the school bus. Somehow i just realised that as I climb up the educational ladder, why do i feel energy leaving me more and more, like im becoming more and more emo as i climb up. I guess its all bout thinking i guess, really dun wanna intensify the emoness. oh gosh. nvm. haha. i guess I will just have to try harder to be happy. Like even if im tired/siann, somehow, thinking of being happy will make ppl around you feel better i guess.
oh well. anyway, thursday is like cladys's birthday, cant wait actually, though im feeling dead tired. But thats like somehow something looking forward to. haha. and YAY. thursday we get to be released at 1.20=)))! cos, mr ho is not coming for econs):. happy that i can go off early. haha. guess i'll go down to sectionals myself earlier first. I kindda cant wait. so many things to work on. havent been that hardworking for quite some time already. haha.
and Friday after band, I dunno why im having the urge to head down to esplanade library to be emo. haha. like somehow, yeah. dont care. gonna head down there. to gok my claude bolling scores. and somehow, maybe head up to the roof top to play songs if not many ppl are there.. to be honest, yeah. i cant wait actually.
and classes with 22/08 is fun. have been really noisy in class. yikes. haha. tutorials lagging, but i do love all my teachers.(except...) yeah. haha. they are all great teachers man. somehow, i guess i just gotta learn how to look at the brighter side of school. and to be honest, i just wanna be happier in TJ. happiness is easy to spread and so is emoness and angerness[ NO SUCH WORDS, but dont laugh.], anyway, yeah. dont you just somehow find that everyone around being happy is so much better than everyone being angry/sian? like is so much fun when everyone is noisy/happy.. yeah. i guess. yeah. oh well. oh yeah. also realised some weird phenomenen. gonna say what my physics teacher told me last year. When you try to get close to a person, you can feel that the person wants you to go away. But once you start going away, the person will ask you to come back. right? mmm. yeah. i guess thats all i have to say.
theres band morrow! i cant wait though. haha. hans christian and Spirited away.
sighs. with heart and voice is freagin hard. nvmnvm. try try try.
anyway, life saving course is coming up in June again. and this time there is like BRONZE CROSS to go for! and of course AM(award of merit) + senior recussitation rank(CPR). omt. argh. haha. so cool so cool! if i ever pass all this. like WOA. haha. i will only left silver cross, distinction, patrol life guard and pool life guard to aim for. hahahaha. and anyway, i can go for the lifesaving instructors course, but sighs, quite busy arhh. cannot. =((. oh gosh. but nvmm. arghhh! haha. so freagin cool BRONZE CROSS IS LIKE OPEN WATER. hahaha. so somehow, will learn how to use canoe to rescue someone. hahaa. oh gosh. why am i talking about life saving. haha. oh well. but i cant wait mann. haha. but somehow, theres gonna be band during the holidays too! I really really hope they wont clash. cos, yeah, band and swimming are both equally important to me. haha. and theres still studies. =//. JCT is coming up after june. i really pray and hope, please, just for now all the way till the next long long break, give me enough zeal, enthusiasm and most importantly energy to do everything. i dont really wanna be sian/emo kid in school no more. i wanna be that, as michelle says, shaolin, or happy shaolin.(you can imagine those kindda monk-y, happy monks in the temple right) im not saying im a monk but.. yeah you get the idea. Happy, thats what i strive for. go jerms!
Go jerms! jia you in band and hmk! must catch up. feeling dead tired and trying to squeeze time for everything! but YOU CAN DO IT! GOGOOGOGOGOOGOG.
(somehow, also realised that after every post, i will somehow motivate myself. mmmm. oh well.)
jia you everyone yeah!
-jErM
