weather: Cloudy
26th august 2009
music: You and Me-lifehouse
event: vans bday
lol. month of bdays. vans, xys, s's one this friday, here and there everywhere.
Im discouraged, disheartened. I needa find the strength and motivation to get myself back on track.
20-22 days left. Im scared and frightened stiff. So much to study. But im just gonna try my best.
With this phrase that has always worked best on me since ive ever got in here.
"last time, last time. The VERY LAST exam here alr. LAST TIME. must do it. and give it your best shot. must really jiayou, cannot be like that alr"
well, apart from that, sucumbing to the temperaments of others. I really dont understand why, sometimes we can just fight over small stuff, we can just get scared of others for no particular reason. and well, just i dont know. Home now is like. mmm. Nai's a lot better. :D. thats the good part, but well. hahaha. All she does, literally, is watching TV and sleeping. haha. Cool hor. Oh yeah, and oftenly asking me and my sisters, (my sisters, esp S) to do stuff. But aiya, its okay. hahaha.
and well, to be honest, D, im really sorry. Ive already have had enough man. Mornings, and nights, whenever i greet you and its like, theres no response. Its a kindda happy then greet thing, not happy then dont greet thing. and like, whatever happened to all the Sundays that we all used to spend together. With you bringing us out for lunches/dinners and stuff. I know that now, the ever so impending prelims and A levels are coming up. But i dont know. Somehow, I feel myself distancing from you already. Somehow, all i can say is that, I dont know about you, and you dont know about me. Somehow, I really wish that we could learn to understand each other better. Sometimes I wish that you can like go swimming with me, or teach me cool stuff like what I see on TV and movies. Perhaps im fantasizing too much. and yeah, but then, somehow, have you ever asked how stressed I am at school? or hows school? not even a word. I know work's tough, but somehow or other, why dont you just try school now man. seriously. its not as easy as it looks. Somehow i wish that I could open up to you. But whenever I leave home, youre still sleeping, and whenever Im asleep then you return home. And well, even if when both of us are around, if its not asking me to do this, is do that. Whenever us 4 are doing work, also will kenna asked to do something. Somehow, Mum's knowing all the things that're happening in my life. I know that youre providing for us, as the breadwinner and everything, but, somehow, I just wish that more time could be spent. Thats why, sometimes i wonder whatever happened to all the Sunday dinners. Its been long since our family had a good time sitting down, just for a dinner. ALL 6 of us. but you know what. With my A levels, with my sisters' O levels, with my another sister's streaming exams, and the current recession and stress. I guess, i dont forsee that very soon. Nvm. just take it that im ranting. humph. Its jc when we are all supposed to get even more mature. Surprisingly, in ways, we are all still childish man.
Discouraged. disheartened. worried sick.
but still, last time last time last time! I can do it! jiayou jiayou. i can do it. have to pull myself back man. yes i must.
-jErM
