Saturday, April 11, 2009 / 6:34 AM
Weather: sunny, rained, sunny 11th April 2009 Music: GR selections 3rd day since PW results has been released. Just somehow, i guess today i finally thought myself through. Yes, i have to zhen zuo qi lai. I cant be like this. Whats done is done, i cant do anything anymore, so hence i have to try to stop grieving. After going through the help of mr ho and lili, Mama, Jollyn's blog, my dearest TJCSBFS 09, andrea, sam, sihui, dan, hong lii, i guess things are starting to get a lil better. Its like, Whats yours will be yours, whats not will never be. I guess, B, then B. actually now come to think of it, I shouldnt be feeling so angry/sad. Yeah i know i ought to be, and ive already crossed this stage. But then, It just suddenly came to my mind that actually, I did put 200% of my everything into that project. Hence, there shouldnt be any regrets/anger or whatsoever not, cos i've already did my best. Actually more than best. From jollyn's blog, yeah, Perhaps i focused a hell lot on group work, and i did not take care of my individual components as well. Not talking about the PI, not talking bout the EoM, not talking tbout the I and R. Talking bout the OP. I did my best with the slides, I did my best with the talking. and well, i guess it was the q and a that i screwed up? im not so sure. Yeah, perhaps it is indeed the Q and A. which caused me my B. As lili said, i shouldnt bother checking any of my grades or whatsoever, but just accept this fact. I already gave my 200%, and well, Q and A has never ever been my strong point or whatsoever. I guess, its also partially due to luck eh. Maybe yeah, the examiners see my face buay song or whatsoever. Perhaps, B. i know that i ought to deserve that A, but yeah, Whats never mine will never be mine, so, B it is. I knew that i gave my 200% into that project, and i learnt a hell lot of things from this project. My source of inspiration to head to the FOS(life sciences) for uni, as dan puts it, sometimes, merely hardwork is not enough. Yeah, i care a lot for my members too. But i'd rather do that, then to selfishly want my PI/EOM or whatever not to be the best, but causing the whole downfall of the group. Im not that sort. and yes, I gave my best. So again, im questioning myself, why should I be so angry that the world is unfair and whatsoever not. The thing is that i already gave my best shot, and since gods and everyone else think that i deserve this B. Then i deserve this B. Although i got angry at them for like a few days, thinking on how unfair they are to me. But perhaps, they want me to learn something from this experience of pw, getting back results. falling, i guess they want me to grow stronger. Although, its a really painful/heart wrenching/never ever gonna go through pw ever again in my life. But hey, ive learnt a hell lot of things from this. and as my mum puts it, should PW be ever asked upon the interview, sometimes, they look beyond the grades and ask you bout the project. and hey, guess what, i know the project from head to toe. I guess the Q and A i screwed up pretty bad during the OP, so i guess thats what i will learn to work on. Staying calm in times of stress. Which is still what ive ought to learn. So, since this is the case, B it shall be. as van says, ba bei shang, huan chen li liang.Im still feeling sad though, but already am a hell lot better as compared to 2-3 days ago.Thanks to everyone that've given me support all the way.and Thian yong, haha, thanks for the tag yo. theres nothing to make up for, cos i knew that i gave my best. No regrets. Like, no regret that i didnt do this, no regret taht i didnt do that. Ive got no regrets for this project. I gave my 200%, got a pretty darn good WR, gave attractive slides to the examiners, its just the Q and A i guess. Theres nothing more i can do. I'll still be sad, and i know i shouldnt be angry at all those who got an A. so congrats to all of you yo. I'm already on my way to pick myself up. Yes. i must. -jErM
